Embers
Welcome to the ember months!
These last four months of the year always have me holding my breath. I expect good things, yet I have let the Nigerian in me teach me to expect bad things because it’s the Ember months. We’ve been told that this is when all the witches and village people supposedly work overtime to fulfil their sacrifice quota. Mehn, thank God for Jesus. Because imagine not travelling because I am afraid of highway blood sucking demons waiting for me. E for bad. Me wey like to waka waka.
However, in addition to the preexisting dread of the ember months, I now dread October. I love October. A lot. Because of Independence Day, because a lot of my loves were born in the month, and maybe because it kick-starts the countdown to my birthday. But October 2020 did a number on me, not gonna lie. I take my heart to God for healing every single time the memory arises because what we experienced? Real trauma. It was evil coming out to dance naked at high noon. That was leadership at its vilest.
Growing up in Northern Nigeria has given me first-hand experience with the violence and brutality of the FGN, but omo what we saw on DJ Switch’s live broke me. I think it broke too many people. I was praying, having literally left a city on fire and arrived to my state of deployment safely, I was an emotional bubble that evening. Then I went on IG. I clicked on the story and the horror. Jesus.
I am always at a loss. Do I remember, so I stay upset and fight for justice or do I forget so I maintain some sanity? If I move on, I feel I am letting them win. They have broken our spirit and muted our voices, and their mission has been accomplished. But if I dwell on it, I fear I might not be able to carry on. Because those people who lost their lives fighting for a right to stay alive, took some parts of me with them. But in all this, I remain hopeful. It is stupid, I know. Ridiculous, I know. But I never said my faith had to make sense. Moreover, I am not trusting any created being to bring some light, only the iridescent Creator.
I will not bore you with my thoughts. But if you have been struggling with this. The fight to forget and move on, to bury it and carry on, don’t feel guilty. This defense is literally why our generation has made it this far in this country. If you are burning with rage and passion, fury and a fire for justice that won’t let you leave it be, don’t feel petty. Don’t for a second think it doesn’t matter. It does. Little by little, day by day, we will birth the nation of our dreams. Even if it costs me all. So help me God.
So once again, I welcome you to the month of embers, where fires are reborn. Where the coals buried deep begin to smoke and set ablaze. 2021 will wrap up well for you. We are about to cause an inferno, because the embers are hot and the wind of change is here. I pray thee a fire of big wins.
Love, Ballie💖
