Fulcrum
/ˈfʊlkrəm,ˈfʌlkrəm/
noun
the point against which a lever is placed to get a purchase, or on which it turns or is supported.
a thing that plays a central or essential role in an activity, event, or situation.
The point between load and effort — life’s polar ends.
I don’t know about you, but I constantly feel like my life is a physics experiment trying to go south. I feel like a fulcrum. A point that ought to balance load and effort, polar ends like joy and sorrow, like winning and losing, like birth and death. I have been quiet here for almost two weeks because all I could focus on was the revelation that our lives are like fulcrums. You may not be a lover of physics or mechanics, but hear me out.
Isn’t life steadily demanding that we learn to coexist with the good and evil in the world, not denying the existence of either and yet, remembering to keep them apart, though they may be happening concurrently? It is such a heavy burden placed on man. A weight I’ve found grows heavier the older you get. At the risk of sounding too melancholy, here are a few instances.
Last year, I was invited to speak at an event at my alma mater, and it was a struggle because as thrilling as that was for my career, it meant I had to leave my sister in the hospital and her children without respite care. I was torn between delight and despair. Or was it the time I was interviewing for my last job, just barely three days after we lost someone? I had to dress up and smile politely into the camera and laugh in the appropriate places while I could hear women wailing and groaning in the background. Last week, was tragic. I had the opportunity to be on a panel led by Women Techmakers and amazing women in tech but I was a mess before and after the event. Grieving, nursing and struggling with deadlines and the general functionality in the human world.
It got me thinking, like King Solomon said, what a heavy burden God has placed on man. “I applied my mind to study and to explore by wisdom all that is done under the heavens. What a heavy burden God has laid on mankind!
Ecclesiastes 1:13 NIVUK”
Today, I have no words of wisdom to share. Just a plain old observation. My life is a Fulcrum. With two extremes pulling at it. Balance is a myth I helplessly chase. It seems I must embrace that one end will always pull the other, but never permanently. Pain won’t cease until I leave this side, and neither will Joy. I must learn to live with both. And like I said at the start of the year, life is short death only puts it into perspective.
I have a few weeks to my birthday and I am taking inventory as usual. I don’t know how long I have but I want to do my best, so help me God. This year has been a lot but one thing I’m grateful for is the realisation that like a fulcrum, sometimes, I’ll balance like a simple machine, and other times, it will be way more complex. Load may supersede Effort and vice versa. It is up to me to learn to balance the tension. Like faith, what is life without this tension? A flat line?
This is as much as I could bleed. I am still feeling many things. I hope to share more with you. If you’ve had to celebrate and grieve at the same time, please tell me how you did it. I won’t lie, I’m exhausted. I hope to hear from you soon.
All my love, Ballie💖🥺
