Heels and Brains

The Harmattan Conference

Brain: Hey guys, harmattan is here oh, let’s be guided. You, Nose! You’ll be the first to start weeping, you better stay put inside the face masks.

Nose: Ah ahn. Why na? Why are you atta attac aacchooo attacking me?

Brain: you see am?

Nose: sniffles

Brain: Heels, don Allah, respect yourselves, and stay smooth this year. Last year, you tore our mosquito net with your coarseness and we had malaria as a result.

Left Heel: hehehe! Wonders shall never end. So I am, no, sorry we are the problem with this whole system?

Brain and Eyes: Ehen now!

Heels: Eyes will you shut up? Can’t you see we’re under the mentorship of Skin?

Eyes: Even though. Even though! Why are you always the one that is cracked and rough nitoriOlorun?

Heels: Ask almighty Skin ba. The largest organ in the body, neglecting parent, overall best in appearances.

Skin: Kai! Don’t raina me oh. Who’s neglectful?

Heels: Please, Egbon, if not neglect why do you remember to absorb moisture and oil everywhere including that rubbish scalp that’s always wearing a cloth of hair, but not us?

Hair: Please heels, don’t drag us into this. We the head, are over you. We broke up. It’s over.

Heels: As we were saying, Skin. You, Eyes and Brain conspire against us. You’ll remember to rub cream on everyone and everywhere except us. You’ll prompt the brain to cover every part except us. How won’t we be dry and cracked? Simple socks, cheap socks sef you cannot remember to give someone. Ogini? Abeg I’m over this.

Brain, you better start remembering where you dropped all your kobos because these cracks coming in can hide plenty coins. We’re out.

Brain: ***

Eyes: Blink Blink

Skin: ***Goosebumps

Glossary — A guide to Nigerian English and other Languages

Harmattan: [ hahr-muh-tan ] noun: (on the west coast of Africa) a dry, parching land breeze, charged with dust. The Harmattan is a season in West Africa that occurs between the end of November and the middle of March. It is characterized by the dry and dusty northeasterly trade wind, of the same name, which blows from the Sahara over West Africa into the Gulf of Guinea.

Don Allah: Please — Hausa Language

Egbon: Senior/Elder — Yoruba Language

Nitori Olorun: Because of God — Yoruba Language

Raina: Disrespect — Hausa Language

Ogini: What is it? — Ibo(Igbo) Language

Kobos: Nigerian currency, Kobo is to Cent as Naira is to Dollars

Kai, Sef, Ba: Common expressions

This conversation popped into my head over three weeks ago but the world being the world did not give me a break to share it with you. Harmattan has started over here — it is in full swing and my skin is pleading for mercy. What is your worst harmattan feature? Mine is the cracked skin and lips. PS. Have you read about Hunturu (Harmattan in my book?) I think you should.

Also, please I’m looking for skincare recommendations. My preferred cream company has filed for bankruptcy😪😭 (HOT TEARS). Edakun help me slay and not look like harmattan first born. 🥺🥺Something that moisturises the African skin well and does not tone at all. Midasi paaa🙏🏾🙏🏾🙏🏾

Love, Ballie💖

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