Holy Ghosting 👻

Balpolam Idi
6 min readDec 31, 2023

When Heaven leaves you on Read ☑️

Have you ever felt the profound heavenly silence? It’s especially gut-wrenching if you’re someone who has heard and become intimate with the voice of the Divine. It’s almost like going from a loud concert with a symphonic orchestra to a still graveyard at midnight. The silence can be deafening too. Because in that moment, you’ll hear every little thing except what you are craving. You’ll hear the tiniest cricket chirp, you’ll hear the rustle of rodents in the grass, the sound of your own beating heart, and the rush of blood through your veins. You’ll hear everything except what you are listening for. The question though is this:

Does God ignore us? Or are we just in our feelings? Does Heaven ever leave us on read — a proper blue double tick, without even a sign of Jesus is typing? And knowing he’s always Online, does he just choose to air us or is our network bad?

Today, I am sharing some parts of my journey. I went from being BFFs with the Holy Spirit, (like I was constantly in conversation, hearing, knowing and seeing things I had no business knowing because my friend wanted me to know. Yes, I used to get people’s tape from heaven) to engaging prayer like a ritual via rote memory. This downhill descent was like drowning in oil (at least what I imagine it to be). Hearing God’s voice, and having Him speak to you intimately and constantly is so intoxicating. One of the most blissful experiences any mortal could ever experience. It is THE cloud nine. Even if he’s correcting you oh, it’ll be sweeeeet. But then going from the airy heights of ecstasy to the deep blue depths of silence is something I wouldn’t wish even upon my ‘enemy’.

I was a cheerful and joyful kid who made a lot of ‘friends' easily, but very often, I went off alone in my head. I have always been carrying this deep sense of otherness, of being quite different. I wore this badge with pride (Glo should have made me their brand ambassador tbh). But along the line, I slowly started feeling the sting of not being in on all the deets. I never used to care. In fact, the rarer a thing, the higher the chances that I’d be drawn to it. I was the kid who spent free periods in the library nose deep into books, I slept while girls were talking to boys or about boys, I was more interested in CHH and learning verse III of Joyful Noise by Flame than I was in the Disney shows and reality TV gist. My classmates and juniors literally used to call me grandma. Lol, they made it funkier — G Mama, but the message was still clear. We were not the same. I was that kid and I was so very okay being there. It might have seemed lonely to all, but I had the best kind of friendship so I was not alone.

This hymn that talks about being heavy-laden and encumbered with loads of care was on to something. Truly the only reason these problems pull us to the bottom and yank us under the waves is because we do not carry everything to God in prayer. I wrote here about how I learned how to not believe in God. Because I was so immersed and surrounded by these things, they began to seep into me and my dear, that’s why we’re where were where abi how did the ex VP say it.

I don’t think I am even really ready to talk about this but I can’t rest because someone needs it so here I am. Half-baked and newly reinstalled in my grand romance with the Godhead. It’s hindsight that has helped me trace the root cause of my Holy Ghosting episode. Perhaps in your case, God is taking you through a pruning test. But of this I am sure, His promise to never leave or forsake us is literal. It is not in God’s nature to ignore or abandon His own. It goes against His Being, His core and we know there is no shadow of turning in him. There’s this book called Why is God Ignoring me? I’ve bought like three copies now because people keep borrowing and not returning. But one of the first things you’ll learn is that God ignoring you is a subtle lie the devil introduces to you until you create a belief around it. Even in sorrow and grief, in our deepest hurts and at our most vulnerable, God is always always speaking. The question is, are you listening?

Yes, God can refuse to give you a response on a particular matter and be talking to you about many other things (usually external, about others and how to serve them). That is not a call to throw a tantrum (note to self) it is an answer in itself, that you wait on the Lord. Wait on him until his heart is fully revealed to you. Those who wait on the Lord will renew their strength Strength? Why strength I ask — Story for another time.

So many things cloud us and intercept God’s daily texts. I love this quote by Max Lucado that I first saw in my journal in 2013

“God is fond of you. If He had a wallet, your photo would be in it. If He had a refrigerator, your picture would be on it. He sends you flowers every spring and a sunrise every morning. Face it, friend, He’s crazy about you.”

Honestly, we bring our relationship trauma to the cross and interpret God’s interaction with us through those lenses. God isn’t in a relationship with you to see where it goes. He’s not a badly behaved talking stage you’re insecure about. You’re the object of His affection. Of course, he wants to talk to you. All the time. But picture this, He’s not on Tinder and you spend all your time there. Your DMs on Twitter are blowing up and He’s sending you reels on IG but you’re fixated on Tiktok. You don’t choose where or how He speaks, He does. And you may want him to send you a Pinterest board about a summer wedding inspo while He desires that you design it yourself on Canva with his guidance. It doesn’t mean He’s not speaking. Maybe He is not saying what you want to hear and so you shut him out.

God doesn’t force Himself on us. The Holy One does not ghost us as men do. When you stop hearing him, you’ve either moved from the right ‘app’/position, or you’re listening more keenly to another voice.

I’ll drop this here because it’s become so long and I haven’t even made the point I came to make. Regardless, I hope it has helped you ( and to the person this was for, because of you, God won’t let me rest. That’s how mindful he is of you.)

I pray you fall in love with Jesus. I pray you crave the timbre of his voice, and that the rumble of his laughter stirs butterflies in your tummy. I pray you feel him envelop you in his everlasting arms. Knowing that these 365 pages might have ended, but He’s a God of beginnings, so here’s a new set of blank pages. Let him write your story. Let your desire mirror His.

Hey, Thank you for reading this one. I have been going through this very interesting process and as is my habit, I’d rather experience it all before I start sharing but my Master won’t have it that way. Have you ever felt ignored by God? How did you get over it? I’m always looking out for your responses.

Lastly. do you know how proud of you I am? You made it to the last day of 2023. There were so many reasons to quit but you didn’t. I am so excited for what lies ahead. Brace up for this flight. You’re about to launch into the highest peaks.

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Balpolam Idi

Live, Love, Give. But most importantly, Dream. Learner. Teacher. Wanderer.