I hate wigs

Balpolam Idi
3 min readMar 9, 2023

Brand Story

Photo by Nina Hill on Unsplash

No, but for real, for real, do you people not feel oppressed or restricted or is it just peer pressure? Don’t you feel your brain cooking slowly under the weight of that hair and in this temperature? No? How about the blood flow reduced or restricted by the bands you use to hold that thing in place? Why am I asking sef? People who after being liberated from the devil’s contraption called a corset, have doubled back in time to reintroduce its bondage as trendy. What do I expect from such a society? You’re in a consensual abusive relationship with suffering.

I know that I am full of hot takes. Yes, everyone knows it. That’s why all of you, 728.9k of my Twitter followers are here. Yes, I know that the remaining 1.1k are here because they know I’m a sweet soul on the inside and sometimes outside. Wink wink.

Where was I going with this? Yes.

We need to come together as a generation and choose what we want to be remembered for. How can? How can a woman, who has painted herself red from head to toe, as though she fell inside a bucket of Scarlet paint and then accidentally landed on a bed of tiny red crystal rocks while still wet with that paint, go outside? Like not just outside her house, or like going to a costume party oh. I mean a red-carpet-event outside. Some things ought not to leave the confines of one’s imagination, to be honest. I know I’m old school but come on! Even woke folks had a second think about this one.

Photo by Anthony Smith Chaigneau on Unsplash

We should be investing in inventive ways to make heels sexier and less painful. Make lipsticks last longer no matter what, and without trying to become a permanent feature in your body. Make boob tapes accessible. We are buzzing with innovation and technology but all we ever unanimously succeed in doing is making cosmetology painful, risky, and bad vibes. The outliers doing research, and developing processes and products that are less harmful and less toxic don’t get the cult following. Yes, indeed you are in a consensual abusive relationship with suffering.

Why must pretty hurt? Have you ever sat down to think about it? I saw these words on a fine boy’s shirt a few days ago ‘existence is pain' and it clicked. Existence is indeed pain, why must I add to this pain another brand of pain called pretty woman? Is it the painful products you use to ‘treat’ hair, or the excruciating processes of styling that would impress the Roman empire? Or do we discuss skin care, waxes, and installing lashes, and bras? I hate bras! So thankful I don’t need them. The only thing I am willing to endure is a manicure. Yes, call me a hypocrite. But if I must endure pain, let it be for a good cause. More so, we use press-on nails now. And that’s the kind of invention I’m talking about! Let’s make pretty heal.

That’s what YangaYauki is doing. Making the products and processing of being a pretty painless and a healing venture. I am tired of being in pain and I love looking hella fine. Visit our website to get started on this journey, let’s heal and spread the word.

Hi, I have been having a really hard time sending anything out of my drafts. Yesterday was quite difficult for me but I am glad this make-believe brand story popped up. This is my attempt at applying a writing technique I learnt in brand storytelling. Honest comments please🥺🤗🤭 tell me what you think.

Until next time,

Yours in wig-hatred,




Balpolam Idi

Live, Love, Give. But most importantly, Dream. Learner. Teacher. Wanderer.