How our perception affects our interpretation of actions or their lack thereof.

Balpolam Idi
4 min readApr 11, 2024
Photo by Isumi Daizy on Unsplash

This has been in my drafts for almost eight months and was last visited four months ago. Before I wrote the sentence before this one, only ten words were in it. If my drafts had human emotions, they might have felt neglected. Here’s what I have learned in this short life I’ve lived.

A lot of times, our feelings of being neglected are simply only that — feelings. This is not to say that people do not experience genuine neglect or that it’s only in their heads. No. Let’s establish facts. People experience genuine neglect and are carrying the scars of these wounds even now. Some are walking about having never known what it means to be chosen, to be prioritised, or to be prized. It is heartbreaking. And yes, I think the abandonment issues we have as a generation are a plague we must stop. Our Abandonment Issues (AI) and inexplicable fear of being alone inform most of our feelings of being neglected, especially in our friendships. For people who love to identify as introverted and human interaction avoidant, we are so fixated on being needed, seen, heard, validated, liked, followed, believed in, you name it. It’s worrisome. Are we in denial, delusional or is there more to these struggles than meets the eye?

Another thing is that our feelings of neglect could be a projection of an emotional need that is not being satisfied. So you are not present for yourself, not participating in your own life but get upset when others extend the same amount of effort you put into your own life. Wild isn’t it? But yet, here we are. Here I am. The most interesting to me however is how this emotional need is always something that you are capable of meeting by yourself. But we’d rather outsource it to loved ones and throw a fit of righteous indignation when they fall short. As I wrote here, the love you deprive yourself of will not jump out of another person.

Photo by Marin Tulard on Unsplash

I have felt both genuine and non-genuine kinds of neglect and I tell you that one can be remedied and reversed while the other can only be healed with time and care. But ultimately, one thing we must learn to practice is reflection. Ask the hard and essential questions. Is this person truly aware of my need? Would they willingly ignore me if they were? Am I showing up for myself in this way? How often do I? Why do I want/need this person to do/be this? What is the emotion their neglect, actions or inactions are stirring? Am I hurt, unhappy, angry, sad, disappointed, anxious, jealous, fearful or wary of repetitive patterns? Is what I think true or are my feelings clouding my perception?

I’ll drop this note for you who have suffered neglect all your life. You’re so precious and worthy of rapt attention. God crafted you with such precision and uniqueness that demands attentiveness to learn. Never let your past experiences make you settle for less. You truly shouldn’t have to beg for people’s love, affection or attention. And if you are constantly being neglected or forgotten, treated as an afterthought, I’ll tell you for free that it’ll build up into a calcified bone of contention. Save your heart the ache and guard against it. You must understand that all of nature responds to love and tenderness. We respond to attention by giving affection and you’re not weird for feeling the way you feel.

Photo by Tamara Menzi on Unsplash

Here’s a free reminder that heaven never neglects its charge and in heaven’s care, you have angels commanded concerning you to guard you in all your ways. Yet, if what you need is a real-time hug from a living, breathing person, or someone to share your deepest fears with without being misunderstood or rejected, my recommendation is and will always be to pray to the Maker to send you good souls to love. To send you people who will heal your hurt and undo your trauma while helping you find the person you were meant to be all along. I wish you well, my dear warrior. And for those whose neglects are perceived, I pray you find the maturity to admit to yourself what is lacking, the courage to face the uncomfortable truth and the tenacity to make the necessary adjustments. May we be saved from unhealthy AIs and learn to live in the wholeness that comes from safety in love and being.

Love, Ballie 💖

Hey, thank you for reading.✨✨ I want to know if you’ve ever felt neglected by a loved one or someone you care about. How did you deal with it? You already know how much I want to hear your story. My eyes are peeled out for your responses.

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Balpolam Idi

Live, Love, Give. But most importantly, Dream. Learner. Teacher. Wanderer.