Jan 12
Questions I hate to Answer
Hey there! Happy New Year. How’s it going on your end? I am sure you’ve been flooded with an array of advices to have a plan, to write them down, buzzwords like vision board, mind map, year planner will most likely be the most common features on our collective timelines. Well done oh. Ko easy rara. Abun ba sauki. You’re still here, still eager to learn I hope.
I was in my friend Nenkinan’s car, a couple of weeks ago and we were talking about 600 things at once, in our usual fashion, when I said “hmmm. This year is winding up. Small time now, you’ll start hearing questions like ‘What’s the plan?’ what plan sir or ma? Did I at any point agree to rob a bank with you?” Of course, my dramatic outburst made him chuckle. He said and I quote, “just write a list of questions you hate to answer” so here I am, doing just as Nen said.
I do not take my oddity for granted, so I understand that the questions that frustrate me regularly might just be funny to you but come along for the ride. In the last chapter of my book, Nema — To Seek/Search, I mentioned that I love asking questions. But the truth is, I am not a fan of answering certain questions. It sounds like I have double standards right? I will let you be the judge of that.
Mai nema ya na tare da samu.
Paraphrased, it means, “He who seeks will surely find.” All my life, I have felt like a big seeker. I did not and in some cases, still don’t find it easy to fit it. I questioned and still question a lot of things. I want to know why. Why are we here? Where do we come from? Where are we going? What is purpose? Is it a place, a thing or a state of being? What is passion? How do we find or unlock it? I ask a lot of questions. It is annoying I tell you. I ask silly ones like why do our eyes have lids and our ears do not? Why do we have one mouth but so many teeth? These questions usually lead me to more questions. And it is only in shamelessly asking that I find answers that lead me to deeper questions, questions that lead me further into faith, and if I am being honest, occasionally doubt.
For someone who likes to ask a lot of questions, I am not quite great at giving good answers. Questions often make me frazzled. A simple how are you would set me in a spin. And my favourite worst question, who are you, leaves me in a dither. Who are you? I don’t know...yet. I mean, I thought the entire point of our life’s journey is to discover who we are as we live out heavenly realities here on earth. How then does anyone expect me to know who I am after a mere two decades? — Excerpts from Growing, Up North.
More questions I hate to answer include:
When are you going to marry? My dear marriage patrol officer, I don’t know if bale when oh. Please, take it easy with me.
Where’s your man? Bruh, same question I’ve been asking. How will I know? I am beginning to doubt that I have one sef. This reminds me of another strain of this viral question — who is the man in your life? Jesus. Moving on, another one is
What do you want to do? Oga, I don’t know. This question often pops up after I ask for guidance or counsel when I’m at a crossroads. If I knew what I wanted, I’d have done it aeons ago, the main koko is that I don’t know.
Why do you like water? I don’t understand. As opposed to liking what? Thirst? Or the fastest way to shorten my lifespan? I mean, 70% of our planet and our bodies are made up of water. That should tell you something innit. I’m not judging you, just stating facts. Please stop asking. I like how it tastes and how effectively it quenches my thirst and heals my skin. It also makes me happy.
When is your next book coming out? Citizens of planet earth, I am dying under the weight of self-publishing in a Nigeria of ever-increasing inflation. I have not even crossed my sales target. Biko, take it softly with me, I fit break like this. But I am writing. Fear not. But you see this publishing thing, I no do again. I am writing, and when the time and deal is right, you’ll see the next book.✨
Are you Nigerian? YES! Please stop asking me to prove it.
Where are you from? My mother’s womb, you? Dear Nigerians, please let’s kill this question with it’s other tribalistic cousins this year. I’m from +234 okay? Great.
I don’t know what your conclusion about my standards are (yet) but I assure you, I like answering questions that stimulate me mentally. Questions that from their entry into my ear canal, or as soon as I read them, a neural pathway is fired up. My eyes gloss over with excitement and many times, mist with tears. The kind of questions that make my voice get high-pitched. I like answering those. The deep and profound ones - even those I have no concrete answers for. I enjoy the process. I hope that further influences your decision about my double standards and I hope you have reached a conclusion.
Do you also struggle with certain questions? Please type a typical one that frustrates you as a response (you can make it private so only I will see it😉 ) Welcome to 2023. I hope we ask better questions and are delivered from bad ones. A good question to ask every Nigerian reading this is — Have you collected your Permanent Voter’s Card?
All my Love and Questions, Ballie💖
Glossary — Non-English words
Ko easy rara. — It is not easy — Yoruba Language
Abun ba sauki. — It is not easy — Hausa Language
Bale — talk less of — Hausa Language
Oga — Boss — Nigerian Pidgin
Koko — crux of the matter — Nigerian Pidgin
Biko — Please — Igbo Language
