Stuck
How you can get out of your head and start doing things.
I don’t know how I got here. Okay, maybe I do. As a sportsman (woman, for your sensibilities) it is ingrained in me that missing a shot, falling and tripping are all part of the game. At least that was how I lived my life for a long time — daring and trying new things, or practising old ones to attain perfection. For instance, I struggled to navigate my Hand-Eye coordination in basketball class. Heuh. If you see how horrible my long shots and lay-ups were! It was a terrible struggle at first. I am so glad Andy helped me and my friends with those Saturday morning sessions and made me fall in love with the game a little more. Yes, turns out that if I apply myself, I’m great at anything. That’s how I got a B in Dr Kayit’s course (for those without context, it’s akin to getting an A in a 4-unit course where 60% is your practical performance and 40% is written. Trust me, my practical performance in sports should not be used to measure my knowledge but oh well.) Yes, you will see shege but if your eyes are single, your body will be flooded with light. Amen! Yes, ace-ing Basketball in the same semester biochemistry, physiology and anatomy were coming for my jugular was not a small feat. You’d think I’d learn that I am such a capacious being. No such luck apparently. The human mind is quick to forget, you see.
I learnt a bad thing. I tagged it wasting energy. I’m someone who goes all in and very not inclined to do things halfway, and so I talk myself out of multiple things because I don’t want to ‘waste’ energy.
Here’s the best part, it’s rubbish really. I wasn’t always like this. To the ‘before’ me, every challenge was a learning opportunity. But this anxiety I got along the way, to be perfect? Nah. It’s not from heaven and I must break it. I’ve turned down projects and jobs that would have boosted my creative confidence if nothing, because I didn’t want to waste energy. Oya, the energy that I’ve saved, what am I doing with it? It’s definitely not powering Nigeria. Not even my father’s house with all this epileptic supply of JED. In a reverse way, a desire to commit to only things I deemed worthy was keeping me jogging on a spot.
Do you see that mantra to no gree for anybody? I only have one thing I say about it and it’s that I no go gree for myself. And the myself is this version of me that I don’t like. This anxious, often timid and fearful being sharing my body. Nope. I no go gree for her. Why? Because we outssssssside with God this year. ✨
Fear is not your future, neither should it be your present. All it ought to be is your past. Yes, there are times when we’re in a fix that seems impossible to come out of, but cast your mind back and see how little miracles brought you out of those fixes over and over again. The secret to being unstuck is to BE — without fear or reservations, fully, as ordained by the Divine. Do not let the trauma of failure stop you from venturing into new territory. Do not let the ‘impossibility’ of a problem stop you from dreaming. I believe in miracles. I think you should too. This Song by Whitney Houston + Mariah Carey from The Prince of Egypt 1998 is so good.
Many nights we prayed
With no proof, anyone could hear
In our hearts a hopeful song
We barely understood
Now, we are not afraid
Although we know there’s much to fear
We were moving mountains
Long before we knew we could, whoa, yes
There can be miracles
When you believe
Though hope is frail, it’s hard to kill
Who knows what miracles you can achieve?
When you believe, somehow you will
You will when you believe
Oh-oh-oh
I’m sorry you’ve had to experience the numbing shutdown of being stuck. It may be performance paralysis, anxiety-induced, incompetence-based or focused on a lack of confidence in your ability. I hope you keep moving. Remember that practice and repetition gets you further than mulling over what won’t/can’t work. I pray whatever is clogging your wheel dissolves. I hope you keep dreaming. I hope you no go gree for yourself to remain stuck. Be it anxiety, lack of knowledge, fear, limited resources or uncertainty. Just Launch.
Love, Ballie💖
Hey, thank you for reading. I want to know if you’ve ever felt stuck in a rut and how you got out of it. I’m restarting my engine for the second time this year and I know “I no gree” as that woman’s song says. I want to hear your story too. My eyes are on the responses.
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