The Love you deprive yourself

Photo by Steven Aguilar on Unsplash

January is approaching the end of its Life-cycle, Yay! But we all know what comes next, that’s the Valentine’s Day festivities. The paired humans show off their undying love and devotion to one another, in full view of other beings. The unpaired ones either lament & bemoan their tough luck and misery, or are cynical about love and all it entails. Regardless, the collective truth for all categories including those who just want to watch, swipe left or scroll down and have a good laugh is this; the love you deprive yourself will not come out of another person. It won’t leap out of your soulmate or significant other and latch itself unto you just because you were “meant to be”.

Surely, a lot of people do not know how to love themselves, and they need the kindness and care of a partner to achieve that, but ultimately, they have to learn to love themselves. This gospel of self-love is not even for selfish reasons, but more for your partner if done right. Whoever you end up with, deserves to be with a person that values themselves and knows they are worth something (If not, you probably don’t belong there and should run away as fast as you can). Imagine you have a Tesla electric car that insists on operating like a 1918 Chevy Truck. It will be quite frustrating wouldn’t it? Or you have a Falcon Supernova iPhone that persistently behaves like a GSM Motorola flip phone. It will be downright offensive at a point. No one puts emphasis on how easy it is to love someone who knows their worth, and loves themselves, flaws and all. It is as though you give the people in your life the roadmap to loving you, they take a cue from you and run wild. But how many of us really practice the self-love we so passionately preach, like and retweet on the internet?

Photo by Michael Dziedzic on Unsplash

I am guilty of this too. I forget to give myself credit, to validate and affirm myself, for a job well done, for goals reached and missions accomplished. I struggle to feel adequate, and enough. I starve myself of this life-sustaining element called love. And when my friends or family hit me up with the “You are amazing and awesome” compliments, I am taken aback. Guess what? The truth is, We are enough! We are truly amazing and all these wonderful things, but we don’t see it. It is not fair to put on someone a burden you are not willing to take, so don’t expect affirmation externally when you don’t give it internally. Don’t expect acceptance and no-judgement when you do not give yourself that. It is hypocritical to put yourself down and sit back, expecting one stranger to come along and gas you up.

Too often, that which you are searching and hunting for is right inside of you. You just have your searchlights in the wrong places. When the past tries to hold you back, remind yourself that the Creator of the entire Universe thinks you’re spectacular and man, how's that for validation!

NB. The golden rule to Love your neighbour as Thyself can be twisted to be a selfish tool, but it is a beautiful instruction on how to live a life of bold courage and unrestrained love. There is a fine line between loving yourself so you can love others better (so they can love you better too) and being self-absorbed & plain arrogant. Don't cross the line. I wish you a wonderful February!

Love, Ballie 💖

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